Date file: Zombie – Part 3

February/March 2019

So I move into my house on a Friday. I sleep with Der Alma Mater on Saturday. And, I shit you not, I am fired from my day job on Monday. Out of the blue.

I feel like the rug has been pulled out from under me.

I immediately start trying to get my house in order (literally and figuratively). I file for unemployment, find a low cost clinic to see to get my maintenance medications written, find a prescription club to buy those medications at a decent cost, and update my resume. I call my sister and tell her what happen. She’s shocked. I call my coworkers and tell them what happen. They are shocked. My whole world has been rocked.

The week goes by in a blur. I make plans to go visit my sister in NYC in a few weeks because what the fuck else am I going to do with my time. I continue to organize my new house and try to figure out how long I can live off my savings until I find a new job… or try to finally start my own business that I’ve been saying for a decade I would actually do.

Friday night rolls around and it’s the first time the kids will spend the night in my new place. I’ve worked all week trying to get their rooms organized enough where they won’t have to sleep in chaos. They manage to go down pretty quickly, and I just decide to watch TV alone in my living room, wondering what the fuck to do next.

Then I hear the WhatsApp notification.

Zombie: Hey beautiful, congrats on the house.

What fresh hell…. he’s unghosting me??

Me: Oh hey there stranger.

Zombie: How’s the new place?

Me: Oh it’s beautiful….. and I got fired on Monday.

Zombie:…. you did not. I am so sorry to hear that!

Me: Yeah well I think it’ll work out better in the end. Are you back in town?

Zombie: Yeah, just got back from Utah. I had the best time with my best friend! But I hate telling you that knowing your current situation…. I feel like an ass.

Me: Don’t feel bad for having a good time with your bestie because I’m having a shit time.

Zombie: Well, thanks but I still do. I think I need to make it up to you.

Me: Yeah? And what’s that look like?

Zombie: Well, how about starting with a hug and then deeply kissing you?

Me: Well, do you wanna come over?

Zombie: Tonight?!

Me: I mean, we’re clearly both awake. And I’m sorry I was a fucking basket case.

Zombie: Don’t apologize. I would love to see you. I’m sorry for just going silent. That was not fair to you.

Me: What happened?

Zombie: I’d rather explain in person….

So he comes over. He immediately starts kissing me and holding me tightly. I enjoy it for a moment then ask him what happened. He says that my whole situation was just too overwhelming for him. He didn’t know what to do and it was fucked up of him to just disappear and he was really sorry. I tell him that he can’t ghost me again. He says he won’t.

He’s concerned that there are kids in the house. I trained my children to sleep hard, and I just tell him that all parents have to fuck on the DL, we just need to keep quiet.

We go back to my room and can’t keep our hands off each other. We breathlessly tell one another that all we’ve been thinking about the past two weeks is fucking the other one, and as soon as we’re done with round 1, we lay there staring at the ceiling with goofy grins on both our faces. We talk about various other topics like his week skiing, my bullshit firing, and he hears me sing for the first time. He fills me in on his pregnant sister and how crazy his work has been lately. We drink wine and screw around some more. He tells me he wants to spend the night fucking me and have endless morning sex….. but I’ve got the kids.

Finally around 5 in the morning, he decides to leave. And 2 hours later, I’m woken up by my kids.

The next day he’s slated to see his best friend, but asks if he can see me Sunday or Monday. My sister has decided to come into town given how my life suddenly unraveled, so I’m occupied. We realized our schedules align for lunch on Thursday, so we make plans for that. Wednesday night rolls around and he tells me that his boss scheduled meetings back to back all day Thursday, so we’ll have to push to Friday. So that’s fine. We agree upon 11:30, and also agree to order in because we plan on being naked together the whole time. :::insert lots of witty sexual banter:::

Friday arrives. Around 10 AM, I text him to make sure 11:30 still works.

He reads it.

And looks at it.

And looks at it.

And looks at it.

And then, he’s gone.

His picture disappears. I send a text. One grey check mark. Sent, but not delivered.

I have been blocked.

Six weeks of talking, going out, sex, and general fun (8 weeks if you count the 2 weeks of silence) and he is gone. And not just gone. Blocked me on WhatsApp.

I text him from Hangouts, “did you just block me?! I thought we were cool now??”

I realize he’s also blocked me from IG… which like, I asked to follow him on several weeks back and he just never approved.

Fuck it hurts. It hurts SO MUCH. Why? Why did he do that? Why did he ghost, then reappear, and then disappear AGAIN?? And not just disappear, but BLOCK ME. What did I do wrong??

I feel erased.

I try SnapChatting him. He doesn’t approve my friend request. I deleted it after a day of being unanswered. A few weeks go by and I still think about him every day. I try FB messenger. But then I remember that I’m pretty sure he doesn’t really do FB, and it’s kinda wonky about letting strangers send you messages, so I delete that too.

Finally after a month, I unmatch from him on Bumble and Tinder. To my surprise, he didn’t do it to me, but I felt like I had to detach.

Two more weeks go by. I send another friend request via SnapChat. Never is approved.

I cry more over this weirdness than I did the demise of my divorce. I feel silly and stupid and wonder why this is so fucking painful. I wonder what I did to deserve this. Why I spooked him. Why I can’t stop thinking about him.

What the actual fuck.

I research online to try to provide some answers.

“What’s worse than ghosting? The new trend in online dating – zombies”

Holy fucking shit. That is totally what happened. He ghosted me, then came back from the dead, and now he’s gone again. But I still can’t get over that he BLOCKED ME.

“New cruel online dating move – cloaking. Pretending you never existed by blocking you on all your social media.”

I have a hard time accepting this. He was different. He made me feel things because he was empathetic and emotionally intelligent. I can’t wrap my brain around the fact that he would do something SO assinine and hurtful.

But it appears he did. And it appears I’ll never know why.

Outcomes:

2nd date: We saw each other several times

Sex: LOTS

Ghosting: Worse – Zombied and Cloaked.

Date file: The Zombie – Part 1

January 2019

After I came back from Colorado and I entered the new year, I started talking to a guy on Bumble. At the time I was working for a healthcare company, and as we were getting to know each other, we started talking about our jobs. He asked me how my day was.
Me: Ugh, I work in healthcare and it’s the beginning of a new year, which means new insurance plans, and none of this fucking insurances want to cover the services we provide.
Him: Hm, well this is awkward.
Me: Why?
Him: I write all of the insurance plans for XYZ Insurance Company for our state.

Cue awkward laughter.

He happens to be leaving to go out of town for a bachelor party trip, but says he wants to meet for drinks when he comes back. We continue to chat and he seems funny and charming. When he returns, we plan to go to a local gastropub after work. I have my contracting job that evening, so I figure if it goes poorly, I can always excuse myself to go do that.

It does not go poorly. It goes exceedingly well.

We have instant insane chemistry and laugh and drink and talk about a range of topics. We people watch and talk about our families and eventually I can tell he’s staring at my lips. I lean closer towards him and he kisses me.

Fireworks.

We keep drinking and chatting and occasionally going in for a kiss. I realize my time is slipping away and I need to sober up so I can do my job. He convinces me to cancel one of my client sessions, but I can’t cancel all of them. I managed to buy myself another 2 hours, and we fill it to the brink. He pays for our tab and offers to drive me to my car because I somehow managed to park on the opposite side of the earth. When we get to my car, I realize I still have about 20 minutes before I need to head home. I gleefully tell him I’m glad I get to make out with him more and go for another kiss.

Soon we are all over each other in the front seat of his car. He’s pulling down my panties and sliding his hand inside me. His lips are all over my neck and my hands find his erection through his jeans. I climb on top of him and we continue to make out heavily and finally pull away from each other to check the time.

Him: Holy shit.
Me: Yeah.
Him: You have to go, don’t you?
Me: Yeah.
Him: Ok, but when do I get to see you again?

So we talk some logistics and realize I can stop by the next day because I have to be out in the field for my day job near his apartment (he works from home).

On my way home he texts me: I was not expecting that. At all. I was not expecting you.

The next day, I do my day job duties and call him up to see if he’s ready for me to come by at lunchtime. He buzzes me up, and hardly before we can close the door we’re starting to rip each others’ clothes off.

And then I have the best sex of my life.

After two rounds, I tell him I have to go back to work. He walks me downstairs and kisses me goodbye. The rest of the afternoon is a blur. I feel high. We continue to text and sext for another several days.

He asks when he can take me to dinner. We managed to make a plan one of my “nights off” and I get ready. As I’m finishing my makeup I get a text.

Him: My best friend and his fiance just got into a car accident.
Me: What?! Are they ok?
Him: I don’t know… they’re being taken to a hospital. I am so, so sorry, but I’m going to have to raincheck tonight.

Well, damn.

He keeps chatting with me throughout the evening. I send him a picture of my oufit and he can’t be complimentary enough. I give myself a date night by going to a late night pedicure place (Which, why is that not more of a thing?! Brilliant business plan), and get tipsy on the free wine. We sext throughout the evening, and he keeps giving me updates on his friends. He continually profusely apologizes for the cancellation and says he wants to make it up to me.

Two nights later, my exHusband pulls an incredibly fucked up stunt. I won’t go into details, bc it’s a long story, but it makes me enraged enough that I text him and ask if I can come over.

Him: Right now?
Me: Yup, I’m fucking furious and don’t want to be here. I’d rather be with you.
Him: Yeah, come on!

I tell exHusband I’m running to the pharamcy because my throat hurts (true, but I don’t plan to come back). Then I take off for his place.

When I arrive we don’t even get our clothes off before we start fucking on his countertop in his kitchen. We decide to move to the bedroom and just as we’re about to resume, his phone rings.

Him: Fuck. I have to get this. I’m so sorry.

It’s his pregnant sister having a big ol’ pregnant lady meltdown. He calmly talks her away from the crazy edge and keeps mouthing to me that he’s sorry. I tell him it’s fine and start to blow him while he’s on the phone. He can barely keep it together.

Once he gets off the phone he apologizes again. I tell him not to… it’s hot that he cares that much about his sister that he would stop sex to make sure that she’s ok. Means he’s clearly got empathy and care for others over himself.

We only stop fucking after our bodies are too sore to continue. We lay in his bed and watch the Office and Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee and laugh while our bodies are entangled together.

He gets up, looks at me in the eyes in a different way and kisses me softly. A wave of unexpected emotion comes over me, and I make a face.

Him: What are you thinking?
Me: Hm?
Him: I see that face. What are you thinking?
Me: I just… haven’t been kissed like that in a very, very long time.

And then I think…. Oh fuck. What am I getting into?