So I had just moved into my own place and then I was fired.
What the actual fuck.
As I reeled and wondered what the hell I would be doing with my life, I avoided my pain, confusion and fear by talking to men who wanted to tell me how hot I was.
That’s when I met James. He and I chatted in the week leading up to my moving out and being fired. When I told him I had been fired, he asked me if he could take me out to lunch. Well, shit, I certainly wasn’t doing anything else with my time, so why not. I knew that he was over 6 feet tall because I had set my filters to only show me guys at least that tall. I didn’t know just HOW tall he was.
6 freaking 9.
Now, I’m not shrimpy. I’m 5’8″ and I love my stilettos. But DAMN that’s tall.
When I walked into the restaurant, he was already there. He stood up and hugged me. My head came up to the bottom of his sternum.
He wore a black pea coat, dark jeans, and polished black shoes. His blonde hair is carefully combed, and he has nice blue eyes. When he sat down, our height difference was not nearly as apparent. We talked a little bit about my firing, but we talked more about our kids (he has a 12 year old son) and got to know more background information about each other. Lo and behold, we went to the same high school! He graduated the year before I became a freshman, so we were never on campus at the same time. But we found a few other bizarre similarities and the lunch hour passed quickly. Soon it was time for him to return to work so he hugged me again and said, “I’d really like to take you out again sometime.”
“I’d like that very much.”
“Good. Let’s talk soon.”
I went home and tried to continue to reorient my life. I decided that afternoon that I was going to go visit my sister in NY. What the fuck else was I going to do with my time? Surprisingly, a ticket to NY in the next couple of weeks was less than $150, so I jumped on it, and notified her I would be coming in a little over two weeks. We were thrilled.
The next week was going to be spring break. James was planning on taking his son out of town for a father/son trip and wanted to take me out again before he left. I said that would be fine. Originally we planned to go out Friday, but on Wednesday, he texted me asking what was I doing.
“I’m working with a private client right now and I managed to get a few more clients. Will be doing this contract work until 10.”
“What about after that?”
“After?? Uhh… idk, nothing, I guess.”
“Want to grab a drink?”
“Um, sure. You ok with drinking that late? I don’t have to get up that early tomorrow…”
“Yeah, I’ll be fine.”
So we agree to meet at the bar down the street from me. He gets to the bar first, and I saddle up in the barstool next to him. He asks me how my contract work was going and I said fine, but obviously it wasn’t a full time paycheck like I was used to. But something was better than nothing. We talk more about my work goals and other polite small talk and then I order something.
“Jack and Diet Coke, please”
“Wow, you don’t mess around”
“I mean…. if I’m gonna drink, I might as well make it count.”
“You wanna know something funny? I’m a total lightweight.”
“… what? You’re 6’9″!”
“Yeah, I know, it makes no sense, but two drinks and I’m DONE. I get totally silly. It’s bizarre.”
So we laugh and drink and talk some more. I find out he went to freaking YALE on a FULL RIDE. I also find out he’s relatively successful, also invests in real estate like me, and has very similar views on parenting. By this point, we’ve each had a couple of drinks and are feeling loose. We ask for the food menu.
Oh. Kitchen closed at 11. Fuck.
But the pizza place down the street serves until 2 AM, so we tab out and meander down the street to try to fix our buzzed brains and bodies. We split a pizza and sober up a bit. I decide to continue to drink because I literally live a half mile away. I ask if he’d be willing to drive me home and I’ll just walk back in the morning to get my car. He agrees. After pizza, he starts to walk me back to his car, and he leans (er, rather, bends) over to kiss me. It’s a pretty excellent kiss. We continue walking over to his car and get in. I lean over to kiss him and it starts to become more aggressive.
“Wow you’re a good kisser”
“Well, thanks. You’re not so bad yourself. Would you like to come over for a bit?”
Once we get inside the door, I look down and realize just how giant his feet are.
“What size shoe do you wear?”
And then things move very quickly. He is a former college athlete and is an avid rower, so he’s in excellent shape. I go to the bathroom, and remove all my clothes except my bra and panties. When I open the door, he stares at me.
“Oh my god”
I realize he’s also stripped down to his underwear. I flick off the lamp and he pulls me into bed. We make our way under the covers and start making out and getting handsy. After several minutes he says, “I want to show you something” and I realized he’s now naked. He puts my hand on his cock.
It’s like the size of Pringles can.
I don’t even see it. The lights are off, I’m kinda drunk, and I’m just going by feel. But it is clearly gigantic.
And it feels amazing.
I’ve been told that guys with big dicks can be lazy. But he was not. I wouldn’t say it was the best sex of my life. Not at all. But it certainly wasn’t bad. It was definitely better than average.
The next morning he wakes up and takes me to my car. He kisses me again and says he wants to see me when he comes back from taking his son on their trip. I realize that by the time they come back, I’ll be getting ready to leave for NY.
“Well, then call me when you get back from NY”
“Ok then. I’ll see you then. Have a great trip with your son!”
“Have a great trip with your sister”
I don’t think about him much in the time leading up to my trip to NYC because honestly, I was thinking about all the fun I wanted to have with the men of New York. This was what online dating was made for, right?! Meet people easily in other places! And I was going to be in New York, without children, and single. I was DEFINITELY going to be making myself available for all the fun I wanted to have. I also realized I’d be there over St. Patrick’s day. Basically it would be 5 days of partying.
I changed my online profiles to reflect that I would be in NYC for a limited time. Went to NY. Had my fun (Date file NY edition will be coming up soon). Came back home.
When I came back, I texted the Big Guy. No answer. I messaged him on Tinder. No answer.
And then I realized he could see all the profile changes I had made about me being single and ready to mingle in NYC.
I don’t know if he was bothered by the fact I was on the prowl in NY. I dunno if he just didn’t like me as much as I thought he did. But whatever it was, I never heard from him again.