So I move into my house on a Friday. I sleep with Der Alma Mater on Saturday. And, I shit you not, I am fired from my day job on Monday. Out of the blue.
I feel like the rug has been pulled out from under me.
I immediately start trying to get my house in order (literally and figuratively). I file for unemployment, find a low cost clinic to see to get my maintenance medications written, find a prescription club to buy those medications at a decent cost, and update my resume. I call my sister and tell her what happen. She’s shocked. I call my coworkers and tell them what happen. They are shocked. My whole world has been rocked.
The week goes by in a blur. I make plans to go visit my sister in NYC in a few weeks because what the fuck else am I going to do with my time. I continue to organize my new house and try to figure out how long I can live off my savings until I find a new job… or try to finally start my own business that I’ve been saying for a decade I would actually do.
Friday night rolls around and it’s the first time the kids will spend the night in my new place. I’ve worked all week trying to get their rooms organized enough where they won’t have to sleep in chaos. They manage to go down pretty quickly, and I just decide to watch TV alone in my living room, wondering what the fuck to do next.
Then I hear the WhatsApp notification.
Zombie: Hey beautiful, congrats on the house.
What fresh hell…. he’s unghosting me??
Me: Oh hey there stranger.
Zombie: How’s the new place?
Me: Oh it’s beautiful….. and I got fired on Monday.
Zombie:…. you did not. I am so sorry to hear that!
Me: Yeah well I think it’ll work out better in the end. Are you back in town?
Zombie: Yeah, just got back from Utah. I had the best time with my best friend! But I hate telling you that knowing your current situation…. I feel like an ass.
Me: Don’t feel bad for having a good time with your bestie because I’m having a shit time.
Zombie: Well, thanks but I still do. I think I need to make it up to you.
Me: Yeah? And what’s that look like?
Zombie: Well, how about starting with a hug and then deeply kissing you?
Me: Well, do you wanna come over?
Me: I mean, we’re clearly both awake. And I’m sorry I was a fucking basket case.
Zombie: Don’t apologize. I would love to see you. I’m sorry for just going silent. That was not fair to you.
Me: What happened?
Zombie: I’d rather explain in person….
So he comes over. He immediately starts kissing me and holding me tightly. I enjoy it for a moment then ask him what happened. He says that my whole situation was just too overwhelming for him. He didn’t know what to do and it was fucked up of him to just disappear and he was really sorry. I tell him that he can’t ghost me again. He says he won’t.
He’s concerned that there are kids in the house. I trained my children to sleep hard, and I just tell him that all parents have to fuck on the DL, we just need to keep quiet.
We go back to my room and can’t keep our hands off each other. We breathlessly tell one another that all we’ve been thinking about the past two weeks is fucking the other one, and as soon as we’re done with round 1, we lay there staring at the ceiling with goofy grins on both our faces. We talk about various other topics like his week skiing, my bullshit firing, and he hears me sing for the first time. He fills me in on his pregnant sister and how crazy his work has been lately. We drink wine and screw around some more. He tells me he wants to spend the night fucking me and have endless morning sex….. but I’ve got the kids.
Finally around 5 in the morning, he decides to leave. And 2 hours later, I’m woken up by my kids.
The next day he’s slated to see his best friend, but asks if he can see me Sunday or Monday. My sister has decided to come into town given how my life suddenly unraveled, so I’m occupied. We realized our schedules align for lunch on Thursday, so we make plans for that. Wednesday night rolls around and he tells me that his boss scheduled meetings back to back all day Thursday, so we’ll have to push to Friday. So that’s fine. We agree upon 11:30, and also agree to order in because we plan on being naked together the whole time. :::insert lots of witty sexual banter:::
Friday arrives. Around 10 AM, I text him to make sure 11:30 still works.
He reads it.
And looks at it.
And looks at it.
And looks at it.
And then, he’s gone.
His picture disappears. I send a text. One grey check mark. Sent, but not delivered.
I have been blocked.
Six weeks of talking, going out, sex, and general fun (8 weeks if you count the 2 weeks of silence) and he is gone. And not just gone. Blocked me on WhatsApp.
I text him from Hangouts, “did you just block me?! I thought we were cool now??”
I realize he’s also blocked me from IG… which like, I asked to follow him on several weeks back and he just never approved.
Fuck it hurts. It hurts SO MUCH. Why? Why did he do that? Why did he ghost, then reappear, and then disappear AGAIN?? And not just disappear, but BLOCK ME. What did I do wrong??
I feel erased.
I try SnapChatting him. He doesn’t approve my friend request. I deleted it after a day of being unanswered. A few weeks go by and I still think about him every day. I try FB messenger. But then I remember that I’m pretty sure he doesn’t really do FB, and it’s kinda wonky about letting strangers send you messages, so I delete that too.
Finally after a month, I unmatch from him on Bumble and Tinder. To my surprise, he didn’t do it to me, but I felt like I had to detach.
Two more weeks go by. I send another friend request via SnapChat. Never is approved.
I cry more over this weirdness than I did the demise of my divorce. I feel silly and stupid and wonder why this is so fucking painful. I wonder what I did to deserve this. Why I spooked him. Why I can’t stop thinking about him.
What the actual fuck.
I research online to try to provide some answers.
“What’s worse than ghosting? The new trend in online dating – zombies”
Holy fucking shit. That is totally what happened. He ghosted me, then came back from the dead, and now he’s gone again. But I still can’t get over that he BLOCKED ME.
“New cruel online dating move – cloaking. Pretending you never existed by blocking you on all your social media.”
I have a hard time accepting this. He was different. He made me feel things because he was empathetic and emotionally intelligent. I can’t wrap my brain around the fact that he would do something SO assinine and hurtful.
But it appears he did. And it appears I’ll never know why.
2nd date: We saw each other several times
Ghosting: Worse – Zombied and Cloaked.