Date file: The little guy

December 2018, January and March 2019

At this point I’d slept with two people: EB and Traveling Salesman. Neither lived in the area, but I was feeling randy and didn’t want to be around recently ex-husband. You see, I couldn’t move out until I knew what I would be awarded in the divorce. So I needed to wait until we drafted up the decree and got it pushed through the courts until I could officially decide what I could afford. I ended up getting our rental property in the agreement, which made me eligible to buy my own modest house. But until I found that property, I had no where to go. Sure, I could have moved in with my dad or mom for a month or so until I found a place, but we wanted to make this as smooth as possible for our three children, so I wanted as little transitions as possible so as not to worry them. So we decided I would continue to live in our marital home until I had a place lined up for myself… and we would tell them I was moving out about a week before I set to leave.

Little did I know that month or so would turn into 8 weeks and be the WORST 8 weeks of my life.

So back to the night that I wanted to catch some D. It was my “night out” (this is how we decided to get space from each other… we designed nights that each of us were allowed to go out while the other stayed home with the sleeping kids). I was out at a bar by myself, pretty much so I just didn’t have to be around exHusband. I started swiping on Tinder and found a guy who put no face in his pictures, but had a hot body. Whatever, we’ll see what happens.

Oh. We matched. Well, alright then.

He messages me and asks what I’m doing. I tell him frankly nothing, but I’m out at a bar. We realized we’re only a couple miles apart so he tells me to come to this dive bar he’s at.

Dude, while you may have a hot body, I’ve literally never seen your face. I need something that proves you’re not a total male butterface. I don’t even know his name bc he used what was clearly an alias on Tinder. He sends me a picture of himself at the bar and says his name is Scott. Meh, seems cute enough, so wth.

I meet him at the dive bar and there’s all kinds of interesting characters. I grab the empty seat next to him and there’s an older lady on the other side of me who starts talking to us immediately. She introduces herself, and I give her my name, and my date says, “Hi, I’m Matt.”

Wtf. You definitely told me your name is Scott. I give him side eye. He gives me a look too.

She starts asking about the nature of our relationship. We make up some bullshit. Eventually after a few minutes of talking, she says she’s gonna go smoke outside real quick and asks to hold her seat. Sure, fine.

As soon as she leaves, he says, “So, my name is Matt. But, I go by Scott. I run a very large company in the area and I don’t want anyone I do business with to know that I’m on Tinder or any of that shit.”

Hmm. We’ll see about this. So while she’s gone, we start talking. He’s average stature, but it cuter in person than I thought. I tell him so, and ask why he doesn’t put his face there. He reiterates the business thing again. I find out he actually lives in SoCal, but is in my city about every other week. We keep talking and he realizes I’m actually pretty fucking cool, and expresses how that’s a pleasant surprise. He actually seems like a relatively normal dude too, once he gets over the paranoia of thinking I’m going to expose his identity.

The chatty lady comes back and REEKS of weed. I hate that smell. I lean closer to him, and at this point I’m three drinks in (btw, I’m a lightweight. Two drinks is PLENTY for me. After that… I kinda lose all good judgement). He comments how good I smell and I kiss him. He starts to slip his hand up my skirt and after a few minutes he suggests we go back to his hotel.

I quickly throw back another drink, and he closes out. I realize just how trashed I am.

On the way to the hotel, I start to rub him through his jeans, and think, “hmm, this feels weird…” so I unzip him and think I’ll be super sexy and give road head.

Now, it’s dark, and I’m drunk. I start to do my thing very quickly and realize he is small. Like, not micropenis small, but like, the smallest I’ve ever encountered. While I’m down there, he asks if I like his small dick (and will now be dubbed, the Little Guy). So at least he’s aware?? I’m not sure how to respond.

We get back to his hotel and we have a good time. We do positions that I didn’t know I could even do bc of what he was working with (and I actually have a tipped uterus, so my ex, who is pretty well endowed, and I couldn’t do certain positions. I always thought it was exclusively because of me, but apparently he had something to do with it too).

I’m still trashed during this whole experience.

Eventually we’ve had our fun and he asks me to come back to California with him. I giggle and tell him I haven’t moved out of my house yet and can’t just take off across the country with him. I ask him to call me an Uber and he does. While he’s waiting for my Uber with me, I keep getting his name mixed up. I tell him I suspect everything he’s said, but he’s just a one night stand so what do I care. He tells me he wants to see me again. I think to myself, “yeah ok, we’ll see about that.” He puts me in the Uber, and I go home.

The next day I text him. What is your actual name again? Am I remembering right that you wanted me to come to California with you? You said you want to see me again? He says he did, he still wants me to, and he’s going to call me the next time he’s in Dallas.

I figure this is all bullshit.

About a month later, he texts me. I legit cannot see him. I have strep. He seems to accept it and I figure “well that was a blip, I won’t hear from him again.”

In March, he texts me again. Tells me that he wanted to wait until I was in my own place to try to reach out again. I’m shocked. I tell him that while I’m flattered, I’m in a negative headspace over a Zombie (I haven’t written about him yet) that I can’t stop thinking about. He asks for details. I fill him in.

And then he tells me he feels that way about me a bit because I’m the best sex he’s ever had and he can’t stop thinking about me.


Well, I didn’t expect that at all. He told me he was serious about wanting me to come back to Cali and really wanted to see me. I wasn’t sure how to respond.

It wasn’t the worst sex I ever had, but it wasn’t the best either. Also, he happened to catch me during an incredibly busy week. We texted a few more times during that week and finally he texts me during the middle of me working with a client. He says, “look, I know I’m small, but you keep finding reasons not to see me. It’s ok, I get it. I’ll delete your number and I won’t bother you again.”

I kinda feel bad for a second. I still feel like he’s playing me. I have been genuinely busy, so it’s concerning for me that he thinks I’m blowing him off. But then I realize in the grand scheme of things, he’s probably a blip on my radar.

So I just let him fade away. I hope someone else can fuck him as well I as I did, if that was his truth.


2nd date: No, by my choice

Sex: yes

Ghosting: He probably thinks I ghosted him, but he was the one that said goodbye.

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