The best hits of the 70’s, 80’s and 90’s…. and I don’t mean oldies music

So I am in my mid-thirties. The last time I was single, I was 19. The farthest outside of my age range I’d even talk to was probably 2-3 years my junior or senior. Interactions with anyone beyond age-window was weird/creepy even just on a friendship level much less on a sexual level.

Boy, how the times have changed.

18 year olds are (weirdly) legal adults. That means that I can legally fuck someone who was born in the 2000s and ergo I am old enough to have birthed myself. WHAT?!?! (insert barf emoji here)

I can’t handle that fact – so I have decided to restrict myself to a meager three decades: those born in the 1970’s, 1980’s and 1990’s (even the 90’s freak me out a little).

Specifically, I have restricted myself to men up to 10 years my senior and 10 years my junior. Outside of that I start to feel the vomit rise up out of my stomach (for me! y’all may be cool with robbing the cradle or fucking a dude who could be your grandpa, and power to ya. This is just personal preference.)

Surprisingly, I haven’t noticed a whole lot of difference in level of skill between the ages. I thought “ha, I’ll show these 20 year olds a thing or two.”

Cut to me out of breath, naked and staring at the ceiling and thinking “holy shit, I just had the best sex of my life with someone who was barely in elementary school when I first started fucking….”

I have had great sex with 20 years olds and lousy sex with 40 year olds and vice versa. Age has not made a difference in quality or endurance. If anything the main difference seems to be the older ones are like, “alright, well, I’ve got shit to do so… see you next time” as they hand me my clothes.

Not all of them, mind you, but I suppose as we get older, we just have more shit to do. I know I do too.

What I think is most interesting about this, is that men seem to report that they notice a HUGE difference in the sex quality as women age. The older ladies know where it’s at (duh).

I’m not sure if this is a larger commentary on how our society shames young women and their sexuality, but we just eventually learn to give zero fucks and do whatever we damn well please, or if this is because women learn from their mistakes in bed better than men do and ergo we continue to get better like a fine wine.

But I know that I often have to beat off those 2000’s born babies with a stick and yell at them that it’s WAY past their bedtime and they should call their mother, she’s probably worried sick.

So ladies, if you’re worried about the quality of sex based on a dude’s age, I wouldn’t let it be a deciding factor at all. But, I’m also a believer of sex near the first date, so my opinion may be skewed. More on that in a future post….

Now I’m going to go back to sexting with that hot 28 year old pretty boy… and the hot 40 year old DILF

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