Date file: In the Same Boat

July and December of 2018

I mentioned that in the beginning of my online dating experience, I wasn’t really interested in actual dating. Just talking to people in an effort to make my husband jealous (that backfired in my face – I mean, it made him enraged and only further made him want to separate). I was very frank with people – I’m just looking to talk to people, I want things to work out with my husband for the sake of our children. Most people were cool with this.

One day, I met another dude who was basically in the same boat. He wanted his relationship to work out … for the sake of his unborn twins. He was not married, but had been with his girlfriend for a couple years. He desperately wanted things to work out, but she cheated on him with a guy from her work and was now living with that guy while being 7 months pregnant.

So we agreed that we would be happy to support each other and just listen to each other when we were having a hard time. We texted often, and began to form a friendship.

After several weeks, he asked if I wanted to grab a drink. Purely in a platonic way. At this point, the soon-to-be-ex husband found out I was talking to people and started tracking my whereabouts and began to monitor my texts. I started talking to my new friend on my work phone and messaging him with WhatsApp to hide things. Eventually, I found a reason to leave the house alone and met up with my new friend. We grabbed a drink at a bar closer to his apartment, and just sat outside in the thick summer air and talked about our failing relationships. He flirted with me a couple times, but we kept things low key.

I am a very cheap date, so after one large beer, I already felt buzzed. I was using voice to text him to let him know what I was doing until I could drive home (I walked across the street to WalMart to pick up some school supplies for my kids). Just then, my soon-to-be-ex sends me a message on WhatsApp that made me aware that not only did he know who I was out with, he knew I had been drinking with him.

My blood ran cold.

I had no idea how I was going to handle this. I knew when I came home he would be livid.

That text sobered me up extremely quickly, and I drove home, and parked in the driveway for 20 minutes thinking about what I needed to do next. As soon as I opened the garage, out comes the soon-to-be-ex with middle fingers up in the air, screaming about me being a cheater.

Turns out he had figured out how to listen to all my Google voice to text and that’s how he knew what was going on. I turned that shit off immediately.

I don’t need to go into details of the rest of the night, but we argue, scream, cry, and eventually he believes me that I didn’t do anything inappropriate and I show him the receipt saying I had one beer. He leaves me alone, and I cry myself to sleep.

The next day, I make my friend aware of what happened. He tells me he can’t be involved with someone doing that type of crazy shit, and he’s sorry and wishes me the best of luck. I tell him I understand and I wish him and his future babies the best of luck too.

Fast forward 3 months.

I have now given up on my marriage. I text him:

Me: Hey stranger
Him: Hey whats up
Me: Well, things are finally over between me and Husband
Him: Good. Y’all needed to get away from each other.
Me: Yeah, I guess. I’m out right now. Come meet me for a drink.
Him: I just got home and I just moved all this weekend. I’m exhausted. But you can come here if you like.
Me: Ok sure.

So I go over to his apartment to hang out and catch up. I fill him in on what transpired over the past 3 months, and where I think we’re headed. Things never did work out with him and his baby-mama, so he has split custody of his twins. He tells me I need to sleep with someone. I tell him I doubt I’m ready for that. He insists it’ll make me feel better and more confident. I brush it off. We continue to watch Netflix and at some point we go out to get a quick bite to eat as he did just move into this place and he has no food. When we’re through eating, he takes all of my trash and suggests we watch a movie. I say sure. He starts the movie, and we’re making commentary on it, when suddenly he comes over to me and kisses me. He continues to kiss me harder and deeper and then starts putting his hand up my shirt. Before I know it, I’m half naked on top of him and his hand is inside my jeans. He’s hard and he tells me he wants to fuck me on his bed in the next room. I ask him if he has a condom.

No.

UGH.

We continue to fool around until we just can’t stand it anymore and agree that without a condom, I need to leave.

The whole way home I can’t stop thinking about his tongue in my mouth and his lips on my nipples. His fingers inside me.

The next day I tell him about how I can’t stop thinking about this, and this leads to hot sexting about what he wants to do to me and I tell him I’ll pick up condoms and plan to see him the next night when I’m out for book club.

I buy condoms. I go to book club. I text him while I’m at book club that I’m ready to fuck him and I have condoms.

I hear nothing.

Hm, odd.

So the next day, I text him again. He responds:

Him: Hey so… I need to tell you something. I’m actually already seeing someone.
Me: What? What do you mean?
Him: I’ve started seeing someone and it’s not super serious or anything, but I really like her and you just like… reappared and… I dunno. I shouldn’t be talking with you.
Me: Dude, you would totally have fucked me on Friday had we had the proper equipment.
Him: Yeah, I know, I was just…. really horny.
Me: Well it seems to me that you aren’t that serious about her if you’re willing to fuck me like that.
Him: Ugh…. well… yes…. I mean…. how about we fuck and see how it goes?
Me: Ok sure

So I’m thinking, he seems like a good bet for my first post-divorce fuck. I’ve known him for a while, I know his situation, and I like him as a person. So we compare schedules and find a time to meet up later in the week.

We keep the flirty sexting going for the next 24 hours or so… and then his responses seem to become less rapid, and more terse.

Eventually I tell him he’s getting cold feet

Him: I am not
Me: Pretty sure you are. You’re not responding as much
Him: I’m just busy.
Me: Ok, if you say so. You still wanna fuck me?
Him: Yes.

We continue to talk… another day goes by… and less responses. And then finally nothing.

No more talk. No more response. Simply nothing.

I joke about him ghosting me. He doesn’t respond. So finally I tell him I think it’s really shitty of him to lead me on like that and then just say nothing, especially as we had a bit of a friendship there for a while.

I still hear nothing. And I haven’t heard from him since.

Outcomes:
2nd date? No
Sex? No, but close
Ghosting? Yes

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