Date file: The First One (Twinkie)

July 2018

When I first started on this adventure, I was not yet divorced. I wasn’t even separated. My husband and I had been having problems for a long while, and he was verbally abusive. He told me that I was fat and unattractive, and I wouldn’t be able to find anyone. So to make him jealous (stupid on my part), I decided to get on Bumble. I was very conservative in my approach, and didn’t provide a ton of info. I put up modest photos of me that looked good and started talking to people. I was very honest – my husband wants a divorce, I don’t, but he thinks I can’t find people to talk to and I think he’s a moron. To my surprise, most guys were really cool with it. They didn’t try anything too sexual (harmless flirting), and were generally really kind. Finally one of them asked if I’d be willing to meet for lunch, as we worked near each other. We had been talking for about a week, and he seemed nice and non-threatening, so I agreed. I mean, what was the worst that could happen at lunch?

Well…. it wasn’t terrible, but it was awkward. First awkwardness – we literally showed up in the same outfit. Grey pants, and a white button down with black shoes.

FML. He will now be dubbed “Twinkie”

He was very sweet, bought my lunch, and we talked about things we liked and had in common… which was very little. He revealed to me at that date that he was a dad. I’m not sure why he waited to tell me until we were there in person, but he did. His daughter was much older than my kids – he had her very early in life. We talked a little bit about our jobs and our education. He had very little education (he had some college if I remember correctly) and had risen through the ranks at his alcohol distribution company. I spoke about my job and his eyes seemed to glaze over a little. I had to thoroughly explain some words I used. He lived WAY outside of the city in a relatively redneck community, but grew up in my suburb and had no desire to live there. He asked me how I was doing with my first date in 15 years and I held back tears. At this point I very much was not ready to give up on my marriage. He was kind, and complimented my looks. At the end, we hugged awkwardly, and then returned to our work places. About 10 minutes later he texted me:

Him: So how’d that go?
Me: I think it went alright. What do you think?
Him: uh… you’re a little intimidating.
Me: I am? Oh, I’m sorry. What did I do?
Him: Let’s just say you’ve got a good head on your shoulders.

So my brain scared you. Cool.

But for a first date, I’m glad it was with a nice guy. And he didn’t try any sexy stuff, which given where I (very clearly) said I was in my marriage/divorce, I was totally not ready for and thankful he respected my boundaries.

Outcomes:
2nd date? No
Sex? No
Ghosting? No

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